If that was your dad, he is hot
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You ruined the universe
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
