you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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