I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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