Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do herpes really smell.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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