No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
