I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
