we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
