apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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