i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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