life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
