dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The air was thick with penises
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
