Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
