i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
