Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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