I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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