The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
