My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
