so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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