i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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