i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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