I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
