Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
