speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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