hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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