I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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