my being single is dangerous.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Vodka?
Forever.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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