I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
