K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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