go do what you do best...puke behind churches
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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