Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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