Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
