I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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