i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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