I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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