dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need help removing her.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.