did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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