oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
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Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.