Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I could make wine with my vomit
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?