i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.