Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.

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  (703): one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day. http://tfl.nu/f2q9
  Replies (16) Good night (1373) Bad night (3426)
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  (516): View more from New York

  How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"

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  (516): How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction" http://tfl.nu/s1bm
  Replies (16) Good night (729) Bad night (4838)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant

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  (519): wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant http://tfl.nu/7q0r
  Replies (191) Good night (808) Bad night (11777)
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  (585): View more from New York

  just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?

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  (585): just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/qttt
  Replies (56) Good night (1165) Bad night (4147)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.

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  (574): there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk. http://tfl.nu/a189
  Replies (8) Good night (4329) Bad night (787)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.

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  (620): He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time. http://tfl.nu/dyz5
  Replies (20) Good night (4968) Bad night (1516)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me

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  (617): She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me http://tfl.nu/0bof
  Replies (4) Good night (1346) Bad night (3182)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".

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  (785): Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur". http://tfl.nu/3gb4
  Replies (8) Good night (2411) Bad night (836)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.

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  (936): You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me. http://tfl.nu/du0t
  Replies (13) Good night (3758) Bad night (753)
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  (510): View more from California

  can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night

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  (510): can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night http://tfl.nu/2hja
  Replies (6) Good night (774) Bad night (431)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.

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  (905): My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again. http://tfl.nu/lu9i
  Replies (9) Good night (663) Bad night (929)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.

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  (856): Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes. http://tfl.nu/sl8l
  Replies (2) Good night (877) Bad night (365)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.

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  (512): There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls. http://tfl.nu/qrvu
  Replies (6) Good night (1343) Bad night (406)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting

  (1-347): View more from New York

  Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?

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  (347): Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting (1-347): Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks? http://tfl.nu/86eo
  Replies (1) Good night (606) Bad night (229)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Where's your car?

  (989): View more from Michigan

  The girl I brought home apparently stole it

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  (989): Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station? (615): Where's your car? (989): The girl I brought home apparently stole it http://tfl.nu/7hzq
  Replies (6) Good night (377) Bad night (677)

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