I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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We have so much sex to catch up on
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want