Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru

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  (573): i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru http://tfl.nu/xoee
  Replies (22) Good night (992) Bad night (3612)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.

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  (514): He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period. http://tfl.nu/yw8j
  Replies (18) Good night (725) Bad night (4742)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  Soulmates.

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  (301): He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?" (1-301): Soulmates. http://tfl.nu/8tiz
  Replies (28) Good night (4443) Bad night (1392)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.

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  (612): I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover. http://tfl.nu/pxbl
  Replies (8) Good night (4068) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow

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  (802): He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow http://tfl.nu/7xi8
  Replies (18) Good night (3271) Bad night (870)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.

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  (610): You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/j615
  Replies (4) Good night (1195) Bad night (2244)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.

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  (+44): I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though. http://tfl.nu/88hx
  Replies (2) Good night (812) Bad night (1502)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere

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  (907): I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him (307): Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere http://tfl.nu/182x
  Replies (4) Good night (1210) Bad night (606)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.

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  (701): Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days. http://tfl.nu/swcj
  Replies (2) Good night (1693) Bad night (629)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.

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  (319): I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks. http://tfl.nu/32c2
  Replies (5) Good night (1111) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.

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  (971): It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth. http://tfl.nu/pavc
  Replies (5) Good night (438) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.

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  (708): Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later. http://tfl.nu/hn0j
  Replies (1) Good night (706) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.

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  (704): If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again. http://tfl.nu/0rol
  Replies (8) Good night (748) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.

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  (678): She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away. http://tfl.nu/rg5h
  Replies (3) Good night (831) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will

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  (561): I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will http://tfl.nu/x78m
  Replies (0) Good night (71) Bad night (27)

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