they need to just BURY HIM!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
