I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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