Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
