so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think my moral compass just broke
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
