my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
