My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
