so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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