You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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