last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
