mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
