Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
