Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
