We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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