She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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