Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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