Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
