you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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