He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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