John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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