Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
