too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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