Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
