Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize