Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
There's even glitter on my cock...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
