Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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