You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
