Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
