More tranny stories later!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
