Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
