I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
