I heard we made out
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
