As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
